


Thoughts Unspoken To You

by ComatoseSkyy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Brain Damage, Car Accidents, Dark, Depression, Dialogue Heavy, Graphic Description, Head Injury, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 03:51:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21451573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComatoseSkyy/pseuds/ComatoseSkyy
Summary: Alec and Magnus lived a happy and perfect life until an unfortunate event happened to them and changed their lives forever.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 29
Kudos: 87





	Thoughts Unspoken To You

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii. I have come up with something short for a change and I wanted to post it.  
It has heavy depression and angsts and description of car accident so please refrain if you are not comfortable with it. Camille being a bitch as ever too.
> 
> Thank you for reading, Sweethearts. 
> 
> Don't worry about my series updates! They are coming, I swear. :'D
> 
> ***

***

Alec woke up with a gentle nudge by Magnus. He blinked a couple of times to see Magnus’s face brightened. The Asian gorgeous gave him a big smooch on his cheek and nuzzled to the side of his face. Alec’s lips curved up and accepted all the love and snuggles.

“Good morning, my love.” Magnus whispered and pulled him up into his arms. Alec let him, fully depending on him and leaning on the man chest to chest. His current body fell limp on him and his whole body weighted down on the tall and lean other man but Magnus didn’t mind. didn’t work as the way it used to be.

“Guess what day is it? It is your birthday, Darling!” He whispered, gently tugging on the hair strands that fell onto his eyes to the side. Maybe it was to see him better. Alec’s eyes met the bright gold-green eyes for a second and he stared into it, finding them as mesmerizing as ever. Magnus was pretty, very very pretty if anyone would ask him. He was the most beautiful person Alec had ever seen in his entire life.

“It’s your 26th birthday, love. Can you believe that? we have been together for eight years! Sometimes, I can’t seem to recall the earlier days I hadn’t got you in my life. They are just ridiculous. Breakfast soon?” Magnus kept on talking cheerfully while he put his hands under his back and knees to lift him up to their bathroom nearby.

“I will help you wash up and we will get your breakfast, okay?” Magnus smiled and put him down on their covered toilet seat. He helped him brush his teeth and wash his face while he let the warm bath ready. Then, he gently put him into the bathtub and started to wash him off carefully. Alec would have flipped in earlier days but he got too used to it to let him care for him. He knew better than to start resisting. It was too much work and unnecessary chaos. Magnus deserves appreciation after all the works he had done. So he sat there silently as Magnus worked.

Just after the bath, he changed a new catheter for him skillfully, minding fully to his comfort. _I love you._ Alec thought but he didn’t say it. Magnus put him on his wheelchair gently and started to dress him up after drying off. He chose a very soft dark blue sweater and some comfortable black sweatpants for him. He appreciated that Magnus thought of what he’d have liked to wear and not his fancy expensive suits. After all those things happened, he only cared what clothes brought him comfort or not.

“Cat made a cake for us. She wanted to come. Actually, others too. Clary even asked me if they could but I said not yet. I know you are not ready, Love. When you want to see them, we will, alright? No rush. It is okay.” He kissed his curled up knuckle softly and put it back on his lap while he rolled his chair to the living room. Magnus’s penthouse was always spacious and now that his spaces were limited, it even felt larger than before.

Magnus took out a cake and said something happily. Alec stared at Magnus and tried to make sense but his mind had different opinion about it. Happy. Birthday. To. ???? Who? Was he singing? God, he wished he’d heard him sung. Magnus’s voice was angelic. Happy. Birthday. To. Ugh. There was a glitch and his brain hurt, causing his body to flinch on his chair. He felt Magnus rushing over, fumbling on his face and he didn’t say anything but tried to hide his face on Magnus’s chest, his breaths fastened. Magnus didn’t say anything but gently ruffled his hair, his other hand gently grabbing Alec’s hand to lock their fingers. The rings clicked and Alec felt sick.

“It’s okay. We will get through it together, okay?’ Alec didn’t reply back, tried to take his hand back from his husband but failing since his body didn’t move a bit. Not just his body but also his mind at times. He lost control of both since six months ago.

_It happened when Camille tried to take Magnus down with her by crashing her car into Magnus._

_Alec had just enough time to push him out of the way._

_But not even a second for himself._

***

_He would never forget how the car hit him and he found himself laying on the concrete lane. _

_And how Camille lay beside him with blood everywhere and one last smile which would haunt him until he died._

_He wished he had signed DNR. Magnus knew. He knew he would have liked it. But Magnus ignored it._

Just after he woke up from his 4 months long coma, he lost the ability to talk, walk or move. His head hit the pavement hard and it was the result of it. His body failed. His mind was everywhere. He even forgot about Magnus and himself sometimes.

Nine out of ten nights, he would have nightmares. Nights triggered everything, Accident, Trauma, Cold, Pain and nightmares. Sometimes, he would have seizures at random times. The seizures were so bad that he stopped breathing during the times, and he lay here, scared to death. Then he said to himself, _‘a few minutes’_ as he suffocated without air, _‘Just a few minutes and he would be free’. _But of course, Magnus had to be in rescue. Magnus rushed in to save him. He placed something like a baby monitor so he would know what was happening with him. He also wore a medical bracelet but it wasn’t for him. The bracelet watch was connected to Alec’s vitals so he would know immediately if he went down. It was sad to see medical watch on his wrist instead of shiny little jewelries what he used to see.

Magnus was so caring and lovely. Alec loved him to bits but he just wanted to be free.

***

Six months after the hospital discharge, Magnus took him to an orphanage to see the child. It was to remind Alec of their dream. Children. One day together with children. Magnus didn’t give up but Alec had. Still, he wanted to please his husband so he didn’t say a thing. In the children playroom, children stared at him for a while but they rushed out to play with each others again. Alec stared at him jealously and sad, admiring how innocent and carefree they could be. One of them or two would have been their own. While he was thinking, a toddler put a crayon in his hand. He tried to show how much he loved his husband. And also, how sorry he was to ruin his dreams. So he tried to move his hand.

L was okay. One vertical and horizontal line each.

O was difficult to move around one full circle.

V was nice. Two slanted lines.

Alec hated E. Four strokes and his hands shook terribly at the end. In the end, it was worth it when Magnus came in and saw it and his smiles brightened. His eyes filled with tear and he hugged him tightly. He loved it so much that Alec saw him crying silently, holding onto his scribble times to times.

***

Today was his birthday and Magnus went through all the troubles so he wanted to surprise him again. He was left alone in his room, just in front of the desk and he picked up a crayon. It was yellow. Reminded him about sunflowers, one of Magnus’s favourite. Bright and cheerful, unlike him. Then, he tried to start scribbling.

He started with a vertical line and an arch. Arch was difficult and it tired him out but he continued. The another alphabet was full of sticks, Two vertical lines, one slanted. The last alphabet was a pain, one straight line, one arch and one slanted line.

“Alec, Oh my. You are drawing.” Magnus’s cheerful voice came up. He smiled and leaned down to read the word.

He continued. It was troublesome. He didn’t have control over his hands and yet, it demanded a lot of work from him. With shaky hands, he finished it. The crayon dropped as soon as he finished and Alec grabbed the paper from the edge, trying to pass to his beloved.

“Alexander.. Darling… please no…”

**_DNR_**. Most troublesome words in the world and he agreed to that because he saw Magnus’s smiled faltered on his lips and formed terror on his face. Magnus’s hands began to shake too. _Did you get hurt from the accident? Are you in pain, Love?_ Alec wanted to ask. He tried to push the paper towards Magnus and Magnus shook his head, with tears on his cheek.

“Alexander.. Please. We will find better treatment. You will get better soon, I promise.” Magnus begged, hugging him and his voice cracked into sobs.

_I love you._ Alec thought as the man cried in front of him. He was upset because Magnus would never let him go. Alec knew there would be times he’d stop breathing again and Magnus would still try to save him. He just didn’t get it. Why would he want something broken like him? He wanted Magnus to be free and happy. He just couldn’t understand. He closed his eyes due to his exhaustion and leaned onto the shoulder of the weeping man in front of him.

***

**Author's Note:**

> ***  
DNR means Do Not Resuscitate. Not to save him again next time. 
> 
> This is it. It is not even Till death do us part because even death won't make them apart. They will always be in love and together forever. Whether he gets better or not, will be up to your imagination. :D  
Who knows? Maybe the little toddler who put a crayon will be their child in the future.
> 
> Also, let me know your thoughts and leave a comment below


End file.
